TIMELORD CRABS!
by Rogue of the Apocalypse
Summary: The result of no sleep one night and a joke made by a friend while we where talking about some of the confusing aspects of Doctor Who. A/N I do not own anything to do with doctor who it's all property of the wonderful BBC. Be kind first fic
1. Chapter 1

"I've got what?!?!" Martha screamed into her phone as the medical doctor on the other end told her the news about what had been bothering her the last couple of days, since she had gotten home from traveling with the doctor, she had needed a break so he had dropped her off at home for a couple of days.

"I'm sorry Miss Jones you seem to have contracted _Phtirius pubis _or more communally known as crabs." Martha stares dumbfounded at her apartment wall in front of her holding the phone to her ear trying not to scream. "The reason I insisted on talking to you over the phone rather then leave a message as I would usually do with this problem but these parasites that you have are like nothing I have seen they seem to be in a way mutated and….to tell you honestly I don't know how you're going to get rid of them." Martha rubbed the bridge of her nose listening to him or at least trying to "yes thank you Doctor Marquette I'll take it from here." "No Miss Jones you don't…." Martha snaps the phone shut not wanting to hear anymore. "I need air." She lays her cell phone down on her table and heads out of her apartment locking the door behind her.

The Doctor looks at his computer screen absentmindedly scratching at his groin area and when he realizes what he's doing he stops pounding his fist onto the console "why won't this god forsaken itching stop." Then it hits him "no no no no." he puts in the coordinates for a doctor who can tell him if he has what he thinks he has.

Martha walks into her apartment after heading out for some fresh air for a couple of hours, just in time to catch the last bit of her cell phone going off. "Probably just Doctor Marquette again or something." She sighs softly to herself going over and plopping down on her couch, burying her face in a pillow and starts to drift off to sleep. Martha jerks up suddenly as she hears her phone going off again "uggghhh go away." She buries her face back in her pillow wanting the ringing to stop, after it stops she sighs "thank you" she starts to drift off again then jumps when her phone starts to go off again "alright alright I'm coming." Martha rolls off the couch and picks up her cell phone opening it. "Hello," "Martha it's the doctor…I'm afraid I have some bad news that you should know." Martha sits down in the chair in front of her table. "Ok go ahead, I'm all ears then." She can hear the doctor struggling for words on the other end something he rarely did, so she sits up quickly now worried at what he might say "oh dear your serious." she says "yes I'm bloody serious! I HAVE TIMELORD CRABS!"


	2. Chapter 2

Martha stood in the living room of her apartment, waiting for the TARDIS to materialize. She stands with her arms crossed across her chest and watching the doors of the TARDIS open and the doctor sticks his head out of the door. "Martha I'm so sorry. I had absolutely no idea I had crabs." Martha looks at him and stops him mid sentence "stop it right there mister how is it your just now finding out you have these….timelord crabs or whatever they are." The doctor just looks at Martha trying to think of where he could have gotten them "umm…..old underwear?" Martha's mouth drops "you have 900 year old underwear?" "Yes…well no not really more like 30 years old...but that's not important" Martha eyeballs him "no kidding you may be able to get rid of these things with some Timelord thing but according to my physician there's no way that I will be able to get rid of the ones on me!" Martha stands in front of him staring daggers at him, The Doctor stands looking at Martha unable to suppress the grin that was slowly crawling across his face "what?" asks Martha "what's so damn funny?" The Doctor reaches behind him and brings something out tossing it to Martha "what's this then?" The Doctor just smiles rocks back and forth on his feet "oh just the thing to get rid of them." Martha takes it and slaps him across the arm "should of said something sooner."


End file.
